Eleven Ways to Meet our Dreams: From the Desk of a Jungian Psychoanalyst
Robin B. Zeiger, Ph.D.
The first rays of light reach our bedroom and beckon us to arise from our slumber. Wake up slowly. Use those moments between sleep and waking life, to reach deep inside, “listen,” and capture the dream scenes of the night. Dreams bless us with treasures from our unconscious. They allow us underground; compensating for and widening our waking consciousness.
Our dreamscapes are all too often fragile, fleeting and seemingly flittering images. Thus, if we want to make use of their rich messages, we must capture them.
Many of us are familiar with the Native American Dream Catchers. They are handmade willow hoops that have a woven net or web. They may include sacred items such as certain feathers or beads. Traditionally, they have been used as a talisman to protect people from bad dreams. They might be placed over cradles or beds. Like a spider’s web, the dream catcher is believed to catch bad dreams, while allowing good ones to filter through. Likewise other tribes such as the Lakota believe that good ideas and dreams become trapped in the web and bad dreams pass through the hole into oblivion. There is also a tradition that dreamcatchers provide protection from evil influences.
I love the name, as well as the spider web image, because it serves as a powerful and colorful reminder to catch the dreams. If unattended, dreams return to the sea of unconscious. We may not be able to recall them even a few hours later. Thus, we must work hard to watch over them and meet their power.
Here are a few simple tips on how to capture and begin to meet our dream world.
1. SANCTIFY THE SPACE AND PLACE
When we carve out and sanctify a space and time for introspective work, we have already begun. Our ego, or executive director of our day to day functioning invites our Self to join in a dance of meaning and integration of our inner parts.
Just as you enjoy decorating your favorite rooms in your home, take time to dedicate a spot next to your bed for your Soulwork. Akin to the attraction of a quiet library or favorite bookshop with a bench, create a sacred space at your bedside that welcomes the memories. Captivate your soul with a beautiful journal dedicated to dreams. Add a favorite pen. Or perhaps you prefer technology to create a journal on the computer or WhatsApp. Most of all, make it easy to roll over, reflect and write. This is the beginning.
2. CAPTURE YOUR DREAM ONE SCENE AT A TIME.
If you remember the details, WONDERFUL! Some people are blessed with a rich dream life replete with many details. Others are lucky if they can capture a brief image or a few sentences. But do not despair, sometimes the best dream work is done via a very short and simple scene.
Dreams slip through our fingers and we often are left feeling there is not enough to work with in discovering meaning. It may feel like trying to understand a complicated mystery when we have arrived at the theatre half-way through the movie. The parts that we do remember are often the important pieces of the story. So begin there. Write or sketch what you remember.
Sometimes we have no choice- we must jump out of bed. A child awakens us. Or we are late to work. Here is where technology and/or a significant other can help. Quickly capture a few words on WhatsApp as you grab your coffee to go. Tell your partner or friend a piece of the dream. Those few moments help to create an image and the outlines of a story that we can fill in later.
Our dreaming self is very ambivalent. On one hand, “she” wants to tell us a story from our shadowy unconscious. On the other hand, “she” is often embarrassed and/or becomes protective at the last moment. It is akin to the teenager who wants to confess something he is not so proud of to his parents. He begins the conversation and then says, “Nah, forget it…”
Sometimes people confess to me that they want to remember dreams but there is nothing they can do to make it happen. I tell them to begin with writing down any images or feelings that come to them when they first wake up.
At other times, patients tell me that they wake up very angry, upset or thrown off and they have no idea why. I suggest that they were dreaming about something very hard. This too is a way to begin to meet our night sea journeys. Sometimes feelings without words and images are the first communications of our Dreaming Soul.
3. MEET THE DREAM LIKE A DETECTIVE.
Practice noticing all the seemingly insignificant details. Sniff out “hidden” clues. Bring the background into the foreground.
This is akin to noticing the contribution of the stage and scenery. Like a good play, a dream is enhanced by the backgroun
Ask yourself, “What does it look like, smell like, sound like.
Where do you feel the dream in your body, as you wake up and as you retell it?” Simple and almost unnoticed details offer an important key to unlock the meaning of the dream. For example, perhaps it is a frigid winter day, and you are outside without a coat. Perhaps your grandma’s treasured teacup from thirty years ago is half hidden in a chaotic mess on the floor.
4. EMOTIONS ARE PERHAPS OUR MOST IMPORTANT PORTAL OF ENTRY.
One of the most important beginning questions in meeting a dream, “Is what am I feeling?” It is also interesting to pay attention to the difference or similarity of feelings during the dream and in the retelling. Sometimes these experiences don’t match the obvious content. For example, someone steals a purse and the owner is helpful to the thief. Or perhaps, the dreamer can’t feel anything and thus it is hard to really meet the dream. Lack of feeling hints at many possibilites; including trauma, indifference, depressive feelings, or content that has emerged from the unconscious before one is ready to receive it. A trusted other as dream witness can help here. Through the partnership, care, and/or love of the other, the dreamer may feel safe enough to meet and hold the buried feelings in a loving partnership.
5. ASK YOURSELF, “WHY NOW?”
Search in your consciousness for the connections to your day or week. Sometimes, we hear something in passing. Or we read a troubling or inspiring news piece. Almost all of the time, we do not dream about something obvious. Rather, we dream of something that is just below our consciousness. The message is offered to us via symbolism. For example, if there is too much going on in the dreamer’s life, he may have a dream his brakes have failed. Or perhaps one’s denies the effect of all the sad stories about COVID-19. The dreamer than discovered a mysterious dead person in the forest.
6. ASSOCIATE, CIRCLE OUTWARDS AND THINK BIG
Ask yourself what the dream reminds you of at that moment. In this phase, I encourage dreamers to reach inside via memories and associations. Perhaps a favorite fairy tale or an old movie or a piece of art emerges out of the blue. Perhaps a witchy woman in a dream heralds memories of The Wizard of Oz. Or the name of a random street corner reminds someone of a favorite vacation spot as a child. Associations often appear to be “loose connections,” as if we have gone off on a tangent. It is my experience that these types of associations provide important keys to unlock the meaning of the dream. As a therapist and witness to the dreams of others, I also use my own internal associations to the dreamer’s scenes. Sometimes, it adds something for me to directly share these associations, and sometimes it is more helpful to keep them to myself. Nevertheless, these musings seemingly contribute to the understanding of the dream. This is also where spouses, partners, and/or other family members and trusted friends may help. They can listen to your dream and because they know the dreamer so well, their association may be spot on.
7. CIRCLE IN AND DOUBLE BACK
Jungian dream analysis relies upon the integrity of the dream. Carl Jung taught us that our dream psyche has a message it wants to impart. In a sense, the dream is fighting to unveil something- a message or a warning or a gift from the depths of the unconscious. Our waking ego may become threatened and defensive. As a result, it then attempts to protect us by denying or watering down the message. Thus, it is akin to a battle in which an attempt is made to keep the pre-conscious content in the depths. The dreamscapes of the night emerge to bring voice to this silence and secrecy. Most all, in order to remain true to the integrity and the dream message, we must double back again and again; asking what is the essence and the central story of the dream.
8. PLAY WITH THE SYMBOLIC
The language of the dream is the symbolic. The use of symbols is what distinguishes us as human beings from the animal kingdom. The symbolic is mainfest in art, mythology, theatre and other such creative endeavors. We speak of it through our day to day sayings such as
“Give me a hand.”
“Dog is wo/man’s best friend.”
“It was the straw that broke the camel’s back.”
The word symbol derives from the Greek σύμβολον symbolon, meaning “token, watchword” from σύν syn “together” and βάλλω bállō .” “ Thus, the essence of the word is to throw things together or contrast and compare.
Thus, the symbolic brings meaning and helps us to integrate. Symbols make us curious and connect seemingly disparate parts of the world. Likewise, I am convinced our dream psyche attempts to make the internal story captivating like a good TV show by catching our attention.
As a therapist, I might use words to suggest that someone needs newness in his/her life.
The dream speaks to us in a much more poetic fashion — surprising us with a previously hidden room in the dreamers’ house.
Likewise, the death of a stranger may symbolize some strange and alien piece of yourself that needs to be destroyed.
Losing one’s wallet prior to a plane trip perhaps suggests that the dreamer needs to recreate a new identity on the journey.
We can begin to meet this dream language and imagery by becoming curious, open and playful. Some of my best dream work as an analyst is when the dreamer and I find ourselves becoming curious and playful during the therapy hour. We work in true partnership, inspiring and challenging one another. In the future, I will post an article on how to learn about and meet symbols.
9. CREATE, DISCOVER, DIALOGUE, INVITE THE DREAM ALONG FOR THE RIDE.
Writing down a dream and talking about it is only a beginning. Good dreams accompany us along the way. Those of us who are lucky enough to remember a plentitude of dreams begin to notice recurring patterns, as well as regression and growth. The personal dream process is akin to a good television series. We begin to connect one dream or a collection of dream images to each other. In my own analysis, I was fascinated to observe the different babies and young children that appeared again and again in so many phases of my work. These changing images helped me meet and befriend my wounded child inside.
Dreams are born and created in images and bodily sensations. Words often take second seat. Thus, we can enrich the dream via imagination, art, and movement. For those of you who are naturally creative, I suggest sketching or drawing pieces of your dream after you write it down. Sometimes when I want to try and see what my patient saw, I ask her/him to sketch a piece of it for me. It is fascinating to me how much this contributes to our work.
10. LISTEN FOR AND EXPERIENCE THE “AH HAH” MOMENT.
How do we know when we are close to understanding the message of the dream? Often, we have an “ah hah” moment. This is hard for me as the writer to put into words, but I just know it. I remember with clarity the wisdom of Nancy, a treasured midwife, Nancy. She told me that she could tell when a birthing woman is ready to push, by the sudden look of terror on her face. Nancy attributed this terror to an instinct fear of death in childbirth that lives on within all women.
Making meaning out of dream work is akin to the birthing process. When we work again and again on dreams, we develop an instinct and we just know.
At times, when people learn that I am a psychoanalyst, they appeal to me to “interpret” their dream. This is an impossible task without the contribution of the dreamer. As an analyst, I am an escort. Sometimes spouses and partners can be excellent dream escorts. Some people chose to join dream groups or to share their dreams with one other “dreamer.” I remember reading about cultures where people regularly discuss their dreams around the breakfast table.
The witness ideally helps the person to associate, relate to feelings, and reflect upon the symbolic. The person is able to suspend judgment and just listen with his/her senses and intution. When something important is being said and experienced, there is often the “ah hah” moment for the dreamer. Something clicks. The dreamer may begin to recover other memories. Or she may begin to cry or rage. She may offer additional thoughts and akin to “connect the dots” a picture begins to emerge. Something just begins to feel right inside.
11. HONOR THE MYSTERY.
Dreams are multi-layered and complex. They are beautiful, inspirational, creative and sometimes very frightening. They bring us other worldly glimpses. Yet, I am convinced we can never fully understand a dream. There is a concept in Judaism of the En Sof(“without end” or “never-ending “ quality of the Creator). Just as we can never fully comprehend the mysteries of the Creator and the Creation, we can never fully comprehend or meet the depths of our unconscious. I believe it is no accident that the religious faiths relate to dreams with reverence.
Dreams are truly an otherworldly gift. We spend one-third of our life asleep. Join me in meeting and honoring the messages from the dream stage of the night.
P.S. This dream series is meant to intrigue you into documenting and working on your dreams. Dreams can also be frightening. Sometimes they remind us of past trauma. Or sometimes we just can’t understand. If it is too hard to do alone, it is time to seek out a trusted friend. And sometimes, it is important to seek out the assistance of a therapist as a helpmate on a difficult journey.
Read one of my newer articles, Time-Out is Not a Punishment: It is an Act of Peace
or Dark Feet and Dark Wings: Wendell Berry’s Wisdom for Difficult Times.
Please follow me and discover articles on mindfulness, finding peace in difficult times, Jung, longing and the Little Prince, Black Lives Matter, Amanda Gorman’s poetry and grand-mothering. For more on childhood nostalgia of lighthousesand ice-cream trucks.
Robin B. Zeiger, Ph.D. is a Jungian analyst, a certified Sandplay therapist, and a free-lance writer. She is a member of the Israel Institute for Jungian Psychology and the International Association for Jungian Psychology. She can be reached at rbzeiger@yahoo.com.
